Unfocused

I am not feeling very focused so far this week and though it is only Tuesday morning at 7:15 I'm already getting tired of it. Yesterday's conversations with my staff did not go particularly well, and I struggled to stay engaged and listen to people all day. In nearly every interaction I had, my deepest drumming thought below everything else was "Need to make them stop talking. Need to stop wasting time. Need to go back to work" punctuated with self admonishments for not listening well and then half hearted rededication to my goal of listening, engaging, and being present. Not exactly, I think, what God had in mind. It did not help that my usual 1 hour staff meeting took 2.5 hours yesterday, and nearly every other interaction I had was unbearably longer than usual, including my commute. I also felt particularly disconnected from God yesterday, which was a let down after Sunday's cool experience in worship and hearing him speak directly about my week coming up. I ended up staying at work past 7, missing dinner with my family, coming home to a surly 3 year old who was not pleased with my lateness and punished me for it the rest of the night, and then, after all that, having a full on panic attack about money right before bed.

The good news is that there is basically no way today can get much worse than that, so really small improvements could still have a big impact today.